I'll Do Your's If You Do Mine
by Croup
Summary: Kiba and Naruto help each other out preparing for a mission. Warnings for language, bodyshaving, and spanking. KibaNaru.


"Man, I don't know why we're even bothering with this," Kiba said, running the razor down Naruto's left buttcheek. "It's not like you've got any hair back here anyway."

"Hey! I do, too!" Naruto piped up from his place lying face-down over the arm of his couch, his boxers lowered and his butt propped up. "Maybe not as much as _you_ do, but . . ."

"Heh, yeah. Wait'll you see mine. That'll be a bitch to shave."

"Well, I think--Ow! Hey man, don't go so fast! You're gonna give me freaking razor burn on my ass!"

"Ahh, don't be a moron," Kiba said, dismissing him. He drew the razor down the middle of Naruto's perky buttock again, pressing down slightly on the firm flesh.

"Ooh, careful, damnit. I'm telling ya, you're going too fast . . ." Naruto said, shifting his ass a little.

"If you really want me to be careful, you'll hold still. It's hard enough on me to do this shit without you squirming all over the place."

Naruto twisted around to glare at the guy. "Well, you suck at this!"

Kiba growled and gave Naruto's butt a smack. "Yeah, I do. I must've missed all the 'shave your buddy's naked ass' lessons back at Academy. So if you know what's good for you, you'll sit tight. Otherwise I might just whip out my kunai to finish the job. See you worry about razor burn with THAT . . ."

Naruto glowered at the threat, but relaxed over the couch arm again, doing his best not to move.

". . . This is the dumbest mission ever," he muttered after a strained minute of awkward silence where Kiba finished shaving down his left buttock and moved onto the right.

"Hah, yeah well. Shaving your ass isn't exactly what I had in mind when I was a kid and daydreaming about being a ninja, either, man," Kiba said. "But, y'know. We've had reports that the Grass-nin keep their whole bodies shaved, so if we want to infiltrate them, we've gotta . . ."

"Yeah yeah, I know," Naruto said. He winced as Kiba swiped the razor diagonally across his butt, cutting a swath through the short blond hairs. "This still blows, though."

"Hey, speak for yourself. I'm the one who has to be checking out your butt while I'm doing it."

"Pff . . . Not like you haven't seen my ass before . . ." Naruto muttered.

"Ugh, don't remind me of how many times I've seen you naked, man," Kiba said, "Anyway, you should just know that I'd much rather _kick _your ass than . . . _shave_ it."

"Yeah, well--same goes for me!" Naruto said. "Except not. Because you'd never have a chance of kicking my ass! I'd kick yours!"

"Heh, yeah right," Kiba said. He spanked the guy again, this time on the other cheek.

"Ow!" Naruto yelped. "Man, quit that shit already . . . It hurts more on a shaved butt!"

"'Cause I got the upper level of skin off your ass, probably," Kiba said, grinning.

"Yeah, I guess so--Yow! Hey, I thought I told you to cut that out!" he said when Kiba spanked him again.

"Heh. Sorry, Naruto. Something about your dumb ass just makes me want to smack it. Anyway, hey, get your legs apart, will ya?"

"Huh? Uhh, sure . . ." Naruto said. He spread his thighs open slightly, wondering what was up. He felt his buttocks part slightly as he did so, a breath of air running between the pert mounds. He figured Kiba could probably see the back of his balls now, too.

Kiba poked his thigh. "C'mon man, further than that."

Naruto hissed at Kiba's sharp fingernail, but did as he asked. He felt his buns part a little further, opening up his crack. "What's the deal, Kiba? You--WOAAH!"

Kiba was gripping one of his his ass-cheeks firmly, pulling it to the side and getting a free view of Naruto's winking asshole. With his other hand he swept the razor up the inside of his cheek, shaving off the hairs that were typically hidden from view.

"Hey-hey-hey!!" Naruto squeeled, "Where do you think you're putting that thing!?"

"What?" Kiba said, gliding the razor up the inside of Naruto's other cheek, "We're supposed to be thorough here."

"That doesn't mean shaving my fucking asshole, man!" Naruto said. He clenched the muscles in his buttocks, forcing them shut as tight as he could. "No way!"

"Ah, stop being such a baby," Kiba said. He slapped Naruto's tightened butt. "C'mon, I was almost done anyway."

"Nuh-uh! You're not getting near my hole! C'mon, it's against Guy Rules!"

"Guy Rules?"

"Yeah! You know! Rules like, uh, '_Thou Shalt Not Go Near Your Fellow Man's Hairy Asshole_' . . ."

"Man, the only rules I'm caring about right now are the ones we were given for this stupid mission. And we were told to shave ALL our body hair, just like the guys in Grass Country do!" Kiba said determinedly, "That means ass-crack hair, too!"

"How do you know Grass Country guys shave in there, huh? They might leave it, too! You think they're gonna inspect around our assholes when we get in? You think they have a asshole-hair check station at the border? You think they're gonna tell us to bend over and yank our butts open? You think--"

"Naruto. Shut up the hell up. And open your damn crack. If you don't, I'm just gonna beat your ass until you do," Kiba said, and raised his palm threateningly.

"What? Screw you! Besides, I can take it! Do your worst!" Naruto challenged.

It only took about thirty seconds for Naruto to change his tune. Kiba laid into his ass with a barrage of hearty swats, making his cheeks bounce up and down painfully. "Ooh ooh ooh! Ahh, fine, okay! Y'can shave me there! Aoww, just . . . stop beating me, man!"

"Heh, that didn't take long," Kiba said, waving out the sting from his hand.

"Yeah, well, I told you. It hurts a lot more on shaved skin . . ." Naruto muttered, relaxing his now pinkened buttocks in submission, opening up his ass-gap again. ". . . shit."

"Hey. Don't act like a martyr. I don't like doing this either, you know," Kiba said. But the way Kiba took his sweet time finishing up, however, lead Naruto to suspect otherwise. Naruto didn't say anything though as Kiba went over the insides of his ass two, then three extra times. He just lay over the couch arm, his face burning with the humiliation.

"Alright, I guess you're done," Kiba said, at last. He gave one last spank to Naruto's rump, spurring the guy to stand. "That's as smooth as I'm gonna get it."

"Ooh!" Naruto yelped, before rising to his feet. He gave his butt a rub. "Man, it better be smooth as a ramen bowl with how freaking long it took you . . ."

"Pshh. It took a while because your ass is too damn round," said Kiba, "Hard to swipe across all those contours . . ."

"Well excuse me for having a . . . a _bubble butt_!" Naruto said, snapping his underwear back up with a scowl. He bent over again to drag his pants up. When he straightened, he had an odd look on his face. "Ooh . . ." he said.

"What is it now?" asked Kiba.

Naruto wagged his rear first one way, then the other. "Now that you shaved it, my butt's all itchy!"

Shaking his head, Kiba just laughed.

"Not funny!" said Naruto, scratching his rear. "It feels all weird, too. Like my buttcheeks are all rubbed raw, and smooth! And . . . and smooth."

"Don't forget spanked," Kiba chuckled.

"Aw, shut up! Anyway, I think you DID give me freaking razor burn," said Naruto. He gave his butt one last scratch. "Ow . . . but now it's your turn."

"Ahh, well, crap. I guess it is," Kiba said, nodding in resignation. He drew his belt out of his pant loops with a sigh. "I just want you to know, Naruto . . ." Kiba turned around and dropped his pants, presenting his toned ass. "That this entire procedure goes against my family pride as an Inuzuka."

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto said. He sat himself down on the couch and slapped his knee. "We'll do it this way, over my lap! Heh heh . . . I'm gonna make your buns nice and smooth."

"Oi . . ." Kiba gritted his teeth as he put himself stomach-down over the proffered knee. "Y'know, this is kinda embarrassing . . ."

"No duh," said Naruto, "How'd you think I felt when you were doing mine? But fair is fair, man."

"Whatever," Kiba huffed, trying to find a comfortable position. He raised up his ass slightly. "Let's just get this over with."

"Yeah, that's what I'm sayi--Damn, Kiba! You weren't kidding when you said you had a hairy butt!"

Kiba chuckled as Naruto beheld his rear-end, densely covered in curly brown hair. "Yeah, that's right. You thought I was kidding? Unlike you, I've got a real man's ass."

"It's like a freakin' fuzz cushion," Naruto said. He patted the guy's rump, feeling the coarseness under his palm.

"Heh. Yep," Kiba affirmed, flexing his rear under Naruto's touch.

"Well . . ." Naruto's voice trailed off. Then, he smiled widely, with that razorblade glinting in his grip. "Don't worry, Kiba, I'm gonna fix that right up for you. Get ready to kiss all this hair goodbye!"

Kiba sunk his head, "Ah man . . ."

Snickering to himself, Naruto brought the razor above the center of Kiba's supple right buttock. Then, touching the razor down, Naruto dragged it down along the expanse of flesh, carving out a pale rectangle of smooth bared butt-skin from amidst the curly fuzz.

"Ooh," Kiba said, as Naruto started another swipe.

"Feels funny, doesn't it?" Naruto said. He slid the razor down in a line beside the first swipe he'd made, enlarging the smoothed area.

"Yeah, it does," Kiba agreed. "It's kind of like--Ow! Hey, what the hell was that?"

"Uhh . . . oops."

Kiba twisted his neck to check out his butt. "Did you just nick my ass?"

"Uhh--well, it's this damn razor! It's all dull!"

"Man, you just NICKED my ASS. After all that bellyachin' you gave me about being careful, you give me a cut after less than ten seconds--!"

"Hey, it was the razor, man! I'm telling you! And--and your butt has all these funny bumps . . ."

"Those are called muscles, dumbass. And that razor's dull from doing YOUR butt," Kiba growled. "Anyway, get a new one then. We've got plenty."

"Geez, you don't need to be such a jerk about it. It didn't even break the skin!"

While Naruto dug into their Konoha Supermarket shopping bag, Kiba put his hand on where he'd felt the cut. When he took it back and didn't see any blood, he was somewhat mollified. Still, he said, "Man, knew I should've got Akamaru to do this . . ."

"So why didn't you?" Naruto asked as he tried to pull open the plastic wrapping around the razors.

"Are you kidding? This is a delicate operation here. Akamaru's used to having paws."

"Heh, I gotcha. So you're stuck with me then," Naruto said cheerfully, yanking at the bag for all he was worth.

"Yeah, whether I like it or not. Here, give me that," Kiba said, and took the package from Naruto. He tore through the wrapping with his teeth. "There."

"Ah, thanks," said Naruto. He withdrew a new razor, and the two got back into position. Naruto sitting on his couch, Kiba bare-assed over his lap. "Fresh razor for your hairy butt." He chuckled, and placed it back down on Kiba's cheek. He pressed down with it, making the flesh indent.

Kiba grimaced and flexed slightly. "Just hurry up already. This is embarrassing enough without your corny lines," he growled. "This is such a . . ."

". . . pain in the ass?" Naruto supplied.

Kiba snorted. "Yeah."

"Heh. Well, expect a lot more hurt on your butt as soon as I finish shaving ya. Gonna get back at you for that spanking you gave me."

"What?" Kiba said, "Oh give me a break . . ."

Naruto just laughed. He scraped another trail through Kiba's fuzz. "Just saying. Better prepare yourself."

Grumbling, Kiba balled his fists up and tried to keep his ass relaxed while Naruto kept right on shaving. The last thing he wanted was Naruto accidentally slicing anything back there. He felt Naruto working his butt over, concentrating solely on his right side. "Hey," he said after a minute, "You planning on moving over to my other cheek sometime tonight?"

Naruto grinned. "But man, your ass looks so funny-looking like this!"

Naruto paused to admire his work. Kiba's right buttock was totally smooth now, while his left was still an untouched fuzz bun. The incongruity made him laugh out loud.

Kiba frowned over his shoulder. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, man," Naruto said, and whacked at the smooth cheek, causing it to wobble slightly. "Your butt's just so dumb, half and half like this."

"Ow," Kiba growled, and resisted the urge to rub at the mark Naruto had just left. "Just . . . finish up already. You're starting to piss me off."

"Heh. Sorry, Kiba," Naruto said, "I didn't mean to do the job . . . _half-assed_." He couldn't help but crack up at that one.

Kiba grimaced as Naruto hooted up a storm over his butt. Then, without warning, Naruto gave him a sudden round of hard spanks, landing all of them on his one shaved buttock. Kiba winced and jerked his ass. "Ah, ow! Damnit, Naruto! Fucking stings . . . at least spread 'em out a little, instead of walloping just the one side."

"Heh, but you've got a cushion there!" Naruto said, patting the hairy mound. He plucked one of Kiba's ass hairs out. "I'll beat that cheek too, after I shave it. For now, I'm gonna spank this one!"

Kiba growled in frustration as Naruto kept right on spanking his Inuzuka butt.

"Hahah, alright. I guess that's enough for now," said Naruto after a minute, giving the underside of Kiba's bun one last solid whack. "Now to move on to the other side."

"About time," Kiba grumbled.

"But first, I better get a new razor again," said Naruto. "Your ass is so damn hairy. This blade's all worn out after doing just your one cheek."

"Hey, I told you I had a hairy ass," Kiba said, "Not everybody's blessed with naturally baby-smooth buttcheeks like you are."

"Aw, shut up!" Naruto laughed as he got up, "I do so have butt-hair! Well, not anymore, of course . . ."

"Yeah, yeah," Kiba said, "At least I'm not as bad as Akamaru. Now there's a furbutt."

As Naruto went through their shopping bag again, Kiba reached back to rub his ass where Naruto had spanked it. To his surprise, Naruto was right. It really did feel funny. His one cheek was as smooth as the face of his metal forehead protector, and he whistled as he felt up the spanked flesh. He reached his other hand back to feel the other buttock in comparison.

"Groping your own ass there, Kiba?" Naruto asked.

Kiba growled at him. "Shut up, man. Just checking the damage . . ."

Before Naruto could reply, a bird flapped through his open window and settled on a stack of used ramen containers by the couch. It hopped around and chirped urgently at them both.

"Huh, what's that?" asked Naruto.

"It's a messenger bird, dummy," said Kiba. He reached towards it. "Let's see what it says."

"Hey! The thing's in my apartment, I get to read it first!" Naruto said. He jumped over the couch Kiba was on and beat him to the bird by an inch. "Hah! Now, let's see here . . ."

Naruto hastily unrolled the scroll the bird had been carrying, and scanned it. The bird took off out the window.

"Man, will you hurry up? You're so damn slow . . ." Kiba asked after a tense minute. "What are they, new mission details?"

"Shh!" Naruto said, holding a finger up. He read the message again. Then a third time. "Ahh . . . shit!"

"What is it already?"

"N-new intelligence from Grass just arrived," Naruto said, his voice trembling. "Turns out . . . grass-nin shave their pubes, too!"


End file.
